We might never reach appreciation, but we can overcome the fear of diversity.
Leveraging diversity is a key principle in developmental mentoring.
So why do so many mentoring programs still match mentees with mentors who are similar?
Best practices show that when people are left free to choose, they tend to pair with someone familiar—someone who thinks like them and acts like them.
It’s understandable. Familiarity feels safe.
But we often learn best when we’re challenged—when we engage with someone different from us.
For this to happen meaningfully, two things are required:
💛 Love (as in deep relationships, where we choose to stay open), or
🔧 Techniques (the kind that mentoring provides to help hold that difference safely).
Understanding diversity is like climbing a mountain.
You only see the full beauty of the landscape once you reach the top. But the climb can feel long. You might run out of breath. You might stop halfway and feel content with the partial view. And that’s okay.
Because what lies in the middle is where growth happens.
Here’s what I’ve learned, becoming a mentor.
There’s wariness, a subtle resistance.
Then comes tolerance, a willingness to stay in the conversation.
And eventually, there’s a cautious opening that leads to acceptance, when someone intentionally chooses to be vulnerable and question their own assumptions and judgements.
Like me, the other day in Doha, when I realized how much my culture shapes my discomfort with being served.
In many cultures, being served is a sign of respect. A value I actually share, but express in a completely different way.
That’s where acceptance enters the equation.
As I highlighted in a comment on a reader’s review of Becoming the Mentor, where a full chapter is dedicated to values:
Alignment on values is key in developmental mentoring.
When we begin to see that we may share the same values, even if we express them differently, it becomes easier to let go of fear. Easier to let go of discomfort. Easier to make space for appreciation.
That’s the summit.
Where are you on the mountain today?
Have you ever had a mentoring or cross-cultural moment that shifted your view?
I’d love to hear your experiences with navigating differences, assumptions, or unexpected connection.
Let’s keep climbing, together.
Book reference: Developing Successful Diversity Mentoring Programmes, by David Clutterbuck, Kirsten M. Poulsen and Frances Kochan
